"No pasa nada amor, que descanses, te amo"

Me muero por verte. Cada vez que me voy pienso en todos esos momentos en que hubiera podido simplemente estar contigo, o en aquellos en que desperdicie un segundo para darte un beso, o decirte que te amo. Siempre pienso que nunca es suficiente.
Eres la mujer mas hermosa del universo, me encanta  todo de ti.
Me fascina tu deseo por vivir, por disfrutar, por sentir, por perdonar, creo que hoy en la mañana muy bien pudieran haber estado hablando de ti. No cuadra ni el tiempo, ni el lugar, las cosas han cambiado un poco, pero si hubiera prendido la television, o hubiera estado escuchando la radio, hubiera pensado que has sido tu quien esta entre sus palabras.
Creo que lo que mas me impresiona es que no juzgas a nadie, que es casi imposible para ti tener malos deseos o pensamientos hacia otra persona. Tu habilidad para perdonar es impresionante, te admiro.
No me puedo imaginar lo devastador que finalmente habra sido para todos los que tuvieron la suerte de estar a tu lado y no la aprovecharon.
Te imagino dormida, trabajando, montandote en el carro, en una cola del banco, caminando por el centro comercial , sentada con tus amigas en ednas, en casa bote, donde lula, con phrisly, comiendo, desnuda bañandote, frente a la computadora, mandando un texto, sonriendo.
Te amo.

Hopeless

I feel that I have lost it all, I know it so deep inside me, but the world is trying to deceive me. Everytime I am around you I feel it.

Something that hasn´t been said, something horrible, devastating,  it is there and you don´t want to tell me. It doesn´t go away, I can feel it everyday, I know is there. But you know that releasing this beast will be  the total destruction of my soul, reconstruction is almost impossible.

It lays in your hands...you dont want to be responsible, but what a dilemma. Should you live knowing that I can sense it or should you release it, destroy me and hope for reconstruction. You reached a point where you do not know what you want anymore, and I am waiting to know or my twisted mind is playing with me again. The inconvenient truth is that, it is not my mind, it´s my heart the one that feels this, the sad truth is that the heart is never wrong.

Are you going to tell me what you did?
What did you do?
Something happened...
I know.

EYES CLOSE

I wake up in the middle of the night, I still look as if I am dreaming, but I am awake. My eyes are closed and if someone were to check on me probably will  stare at me for a couple of seconds, closed the door and carry on. My eyes are closed, but I am awake inside.

After a few minutes, deciding whether or not I will open my eyes, this manageable fear invades my body leading me to wonder myself if I know where I am. Images of different places will challenge me to pick the right one for that particular moment. After choosing a place, I open my eyes waking up in darkness and try to recognize the world in the absence of light. I close my eyes again.

I start thinking about you. It has been so long, do you still remember me?, am I still part of your life?, What if I was never born...would you still miss me?. My mind is racing and my heart has agreed to do the same, with the determination of stopping me from being in an unconscious state.

Have I done things right? Did I remember to do everything today? What do I have to do tomorrow? How tall will they be? What will they do? Will I be what they expect? Am I doing things right? Will we receive help from God? What is the new challenge? Have you been without me for so long that it doesn't matter anymore to you?...Is it my fault?.

I will wake up or I will wait for time to do its job. I will have this desperate desire of talking to you  that you wouldn't understand...again. I would want to disprove the theories and fears that hunt and torture me. You will be sleeping and in a few hours you will not want to get up, check your phone. Maybe you will text me "Good morning, I love you", or if you overslept...you will jump in the shower, get dress and go downstairs. Your mother will know that you are up, she will make you breakfast and you will drink your coffee in the mug that I gave you. Then, you will sit down in the chair that I have been telling you it hurts your back. Turn on the computer and start the work and the life that you didn't ask for.

"Draft saved at 4:51 AM". You will wake up in a couple of hours, and maybe I will not have the same questions or fears in a couple of hours, but this time there is documentation that they were there.